Coughlin's Law Kitchen and Ale House

Crispy Chicken BLT

The phrase, "Coughlin's Law" refers to some of the sayings from the 1988 classic film, Cocktail. Here is a list of Coughlin's various laws from the film:

“Drink or be gone.”
“Anything else is always something better.”
“Never show surprise, never lose your cool.”
“Never tell tales about a woman. No matter how far she is, she’ll hear you.”
“Bury the dead, they stink up the joint. As for the rest of Coughlin’s laws, ignore them. The guy was always full of shit.”

Coughlin's Law is just about the coolest spot to open in Pittsburgh within the last year. The space itself has a very modern feel and almost seems out of place in Mt. Washington as it is probably the only piece of new construction in the neighborhood since the 1950's. 

The best item I tried was the kung pao shrimp, freshly breaded and fried with a spicy sauce and a nice portion of hot chiles and peanuts. As the appetizers are $2 off during happy hour, this dish will be my go-to for my next visit to Coughlin's Law.

I enjoyed my crispy chicken BLT, but it was just a little underwhelming. The beer batter style breading was too heavy and I was not a fan of the brioche bun. Brioche buns do not hold up well when they are used with greasy sandwiches. The bread deteriorates and you are left with a bit of a soggy mess. Leave the brioche to the French, Coughlin!

"...brioche is simply too delicate to support a half-pound puck of griddled ground beef. It's not structurally built to encase a burger; it's by definition light and airy. Burgers release a large amount of juice and fat (at least the good ones do anyway), and a brioche bun will completely sog through and fall apart before you're even halfway through it." -LA Times Food Writer, Dan Myers, "Putting your burger on a brioche bun is a terrible idea."

I have to add that the vinegar based cucumber salad that accompanied my sandwich was amazing. Nice and light and packed with flavor - a perfect summertime treat.

Happy Hour Menu

Two items that you can't beat at Coughlin's, the view from the back deck and the happy hour menu. Nothing says happy hour like $3 well drinks, discounted appetizers and cheap cocktails. (Also, on Thursday you can enjoy $5 mules!)

I'm very excited to see how these guys progress as they work on the new establishment. The folks running Coughlin's Law are some of the nicest in the city and I'm certain that Coughlin's Law will be a huge success.

The Warren

The Warren

Let's talk about downtown drink prices. THEY ARE TOO DAMN HIGH. Much like the rent in New York, drink prices in downtown Pittsburgh are out of control. They've steadily climbed over the last several years and these days it is hard to find a decent pint for under $5.

Enter The Warren. Cocktails are affordable and many beers are in the $2-$5 dollar range. The Warren is apparently the creation of Spencer Warren and the folks from Penn Ave Fish Co. I'm told that Mr. Warren is relatively well known throughout the city, but I've personally never met the man. However, I've certainly enjoyed his work over the years. He's the mastermind behind some of the happenings at Butcher and The Rye, Firehouse Lounge, Round Corner Cantina, täkō and Meat & Potatoes and also he's apparently Pittsburgh's Busiest Bartender. Considering how often I frequent Meat & Potatoes it is remarkable that we have not crossed paths.

You can even read this great profile of him in Next Pittsburgh where they run through his typical week. He sounds very important. 

The frog legs weren't bad, but the chimichurri was severely lacking in garlic and tasted like urine. Mr. Warren should go meet with Tony Falcon from Gaucho Parrilla - that dude knows his chimichurri.

It was great to see frog legs on a Pittsburgh menu! Some of my dining partners were apprehensive, but they all agreed that frog legs just taste like fishy chicken.

The sushi was the best part of our visit. According to our server they offer discounted sushi from the cooler after 3 pm and then again later in the evening. All of the rolls that we tried were fantastic and also well priced. This is a very welcome addition to downtown Pittsburgh as the closing of the downtown Penn Avenue Fish Company location has created a sushi desert of sorts within the golden triangle. Thanks Penn Avenue Fish Co! You've totally redeemed yourself with this wonderful new bar.

One of the nicest additions to the evening was a free rose tasting nextdoor at Penn Cove Eatery. (The establishments are connected and Penn Cove sells the same sushi boxed for takeout as well as a great selection of wine and beer.) I honestly am not sure that I knew just how much I enjoyed rose until I took the time to sample a few with our awesome host, Lee.

The Warren should basically be your go-to spot in downtown Pittsburgh. It's hip, affordable and totally approachable in a casual sort of manner. I wouldn't suggest going with a large group - I'm pretty sure our server was ready to strangle us.

La Palapa

Empanadas

La Palapa used to be located closer to 19th and East Carson, but they've recently moved into the building next to Mallorca where Ibiza was once situated. The old La Palapa was very small and they did not have a bar. The new location offers tons of seating, including a spacious back patio and a full bar with some very nice bartenders.

I only visited the old location one time. I ordered the dinner for two and the waitress politely explained to me that my order was meant for two people. I just smiled and said, "yes, I know." I didn't share any of it with my other dinner guests nor had I ever intended to. A dinner for two option on a menu helps deflate the stigma that accompanies ordering two separate meals by yourself, but not if the waitress doesn't play along.

I can't really say that they have sacrificed any of the quality in the move down East Carson. Not only were our happy hour empanadas outstanding, but the bar also offers a two for $5 empanada special on Thursdays. With those prices you literally have no excuse to go back to Taco Bell, ever.

The empanada I enjoyed was crispy and brimming with some freshly seasoned beef and a delicious mole sauce. The history of mole sauce is largely unknown but much like many of the tales from the bible it is believed to involve religion, poultry and uncanny happenstance. You can read more about the hotly and holy debated origins here.

Nacho Model

La Palapa is essentially a must visit for happy hour. Their $5 margs kick Mad Mex's ass. We only had one problema with La Palapa and that was the runny queso. Runny queso is sadder than prom night at the trailer park in Tijuana. Someone should write a country song about runny queso. I guarantee it would be better than 90% of modern country.

Tina's

Muffuletta

Tina's is the latest of many new bars in the Pittsburgh hipster cool kid scene. When Amazon moves here Tina's will be ground zero for the resistance. Everyone we encountered at Tina's just seemed so hip. I also have to start by mentioning that the service and cocktails were top notch.

After nearly seven years of happy hours, one thing is certain. We are no longer cool. We have basically completed our transition from 20-something fun people to full grown adults with mortgages and pregnancy scares that are old enough to ride the Jackrabbit.


During our visit to Tina's I noted to the bartender, Elliot, that the muffuletta seemed non-traditional due to the inclusion of a sesame seed roll. Well, Elliot, I apologize. It turns out that I am incorrect and sesame seeds may be incorporated into a muffuletta.

The muffuletta at Tina's was pretty good, but I think it could have used another inch of meat. In my heart a real muffuletta should have almost as much meat as bread. Overall every item we tried from the menu was fairly decent. To quote Michael,  "the pickle was great with a good length but lacking in girth."

The style and format of the menu at Tina's reminded me of the menu at Mix Tape. Think lots of fancy noir style graphics with food listed in a haphazard manner. Quite charming.

Stupid Millennials

Now Tina's used to be this old neighborhood jaunt called Tea Bags. Tea Bags had a certain charm as it was a total dump. I think my old friend Christy put it best when he said that the Pittsburgh bar scene used to be filled with places that a decent woman would not step foot in where men liked to drink to excess and spit on the floor. Much like our mid twenties, those days have passed and very nice places like Tina's are filling the void.

Le Lyonnais

Wild Mushroom and Goat Cheese Pate and Tres Fromages

Le Lyonnais offers one of the best new happy hours we've visited this year. Their happy hour menu should be celebrated throughout Pittsburgh for its elegance and style. The specials are really attractive for both food and wine. Surprisingly, they even have a Jaegermeister special? I dare you to find me one happy hour menu in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania that includes both Jaeger shots and chicken rillettes. Go on and try. I'll bet four rounds of Jaeger shots that you can't pull it off.

I've heard some complaints from others about the service at Le Lyonnais. While I had a pleasant experience, I could see how things could be rocky as we were delivered two incorrect appetizers. This actually worked to our benefit though as they let us keep the appetizers free of cost.

Crotch Cheese

My personal favorite happy hour food items were the tres fromages and the veal and pork meatballs. The cheese selection was great  and I really enjoyed the spiced yogurt that accompanied the meatballs. Others seemed to love the poutine, but I find it simply outrageous that a restaurant offering food from Lyon would serve poutine.

Make no mistake, THIS IS CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. Here is an article some asshole wrote about how calling poutine Canadian is cultural appropriation because it is specifically from Quebec. Similarly, I am outraged when individuals fail to refer to one of my favorite foodstuffs as a hamburger sandwich and identify the disputed origin as Texas. It's as if the cretins know nothing of culture and don't care about the lovely people from Texas.

In addition to the $3 Jaeger shots, they also offer steeply discounted wine, $3 domestic beer, discounted cocktails and a variety of other great appetizers. Bon appetit, or as they like to say in the culturally unique Lyon region of France, bon appetit!

Mix Tape

Mix Tape is the most peculiar little spot that I've visited in many months. Here are some of the various oddities you can expect to experience.  Tips are not accepted, bean bags are used as actual chairs by semi-grown adults, orders are only taken at the bar, the menu is very limited, there is an outrageous selection of board games, and reservations are not possible. 


Mix Tape is a socialist experiment hell bent on serving healthy vegan food in a nurturing environment. The night we attended Mix Tape there was a dream board workshop. I'm disappointed to say that after nearly 60 days I have accomplished none of the items on my dream board. My trip to Mix Tape will always serve as a reminder of how I am a massive failure as a human bieng.

In the off chance that your are actually curious, my faux pepperoni roll was quite good and my livin' la vida mocha smoothie was also just fine. (Also, you cannot play MEME THE GAME by yourself. It is a 3-4 player game.)

Dream Boards

I highly doubt that bars like Mix Tape will ever displace the dive bars of this world. However, I think that they have accomplished a unique feat in that they have created a bar that seems perfect for people who do not like bars. This is what a safe space looks like.

Or the Whale

Or the Octopus

This review must be prefaced with the statement that this restaurant is prohibitively expensive, and they know it. If they have not priced themselves out of the Pittsburgh market, perhaps I am just unaware of what good food costs. I worry that I am almost certainly becoming my father. A man that thinks all sandwiches should cost less than 6 dollars because he has failed to keep up with the times. I have to constantly remind myself that good food is expensive and the cost can be justified.

That's just the thing about Or the Whale though - the food is great. The above pictured octopus with fingerling potatoes was in fact so good that I went out and purchased my own fingerling potatoes to make at home, fell asleep cooking them, and nearly died of asphyxiation.

 I've never had octopus served with chimichurri sauce and potatoes. It was exquisite and prepared flawlessly. The octopus had just the right amount of char and a great mouth feel. 

Or the Trout

The smoked trout rillettes are really the only bargain item on the menu at a paltry $11. I thought it was quite nice that the dish arrived with a small salad to help me justify my existence. After all, I spent over $50 on two drinks and two appetizers. (I mean, god damn, I could buy like 70 pounds of bananas with that coin.)  Maybe that doesn't sound bad to you, but I think it is outrageous.

Here is a list of some menu items and their respective prices so you have an idea of what you are getting into.

Seafood Tower - $180
16 oz Ribeye - $65
Duck Burger - $45
Side Salad - $9

Getting old sucks, everything seems expensive.  Also, I'm pretty sure that Or the Whale has the most expensive hamburger in the city. Please prove me wrong in the comments.