Marios Southside is the Winner!

Click for full size chart.

After extreme deliberation, I consider Mario's Southside to be the winner of the ultimate Mario's showdown. This was no easy assignment. I considered categories such as the food I've had at both bars, the fantastic service I've had, the VIP room in Mario's Southside, the amazing Mario's Eastside deck, the colorful homeless people that congregate outside the bar, various specials and even the bar games available to patrons.

 This award is entirely subjective, but I hope Mario's Southside is proud. They really came through big time in this epic match-up. Although both Mario's made an excellent showing, I feel the real winner of this competition was me. 

I LOVE YOU MARIO'S

If you feel I should have taken other factors into consideration, please drop me a line in the comments!

Mario's Eastside V. Mario's Southside - THE ULTIMATE MARIO'S SHOWDOWN

Mario's Eastside Wings

I'm a Mario's man, always have been. One of our happy hour goers recently told me that he felt more at home at Elixer than he ever has at Mario's. This saddened me immensely. Mario's Southside was my home even before I moved to the Southside. The bathroom attendant knows my name. The bartenders have stories about me that I wouldn't want you to know. I once had four different girls in my phone with the last name, "Mario's."

In comparison to Mario's Southside, Mario's Eastside is relatively new to the game. I can't say I loved the wings I tried, but the honey garlic habanero were very decent. A unique sauce and not too much bite. On the other hand, I did not particularly care for the mesquite char-grilled. They just didn't have enough flavor - I think I just generally hate grilled wings. This bar has the perfect happy hour atmosphere. A large roof-top deck, amazingly good drink and food specials and a party-people crowd. Next week I'll be creating a chart comparing Mario's Southside and Mario's Eastside. Do you have a Mario's preference? Let me know before I compile my chart next week. More importantly, meet us at Mario's Southside later tonight.


 

Emilia Romagna - The Strip

Pizza!

I honestly don't know anywhere in the city where you can get pizza and sushi. My best guess is the Cheesecake Factory, which I so loathe. Emilia Romagna recently opened in the Strip District. From looking at the place you'd have absolutely no idea that it has a giant upstairs dance floor and a huge outdoor seating area. I'd say they can easily accommodate over a thousand people.

I expected the pizza to be excellent as the restaurant is owned by Alla Familia, the fancy Italian place in Allentown I've been meaning to go to. I really liked the pizza, and it was quite a bargain, $5. The sauce and cheese were incredible, the crust was a little hard but entirely delicious. The sauce was slightly sweet but it was probably the best part of the pizza, I really enjoyed it. 

Spicy Tuna!

After having an amazing pizza I thought I was sure to be disappointed by the sushi. However, my expectations were surprisingly exceeded. The sushi was very fresh with great rice and a nice blend of flavors. (Spicy tuna with crab, also a bargain for happy hour at only $5 per roll.) I'm honestly dumbfounded as to how the same restaurant can serve pizza and sushi. I suppose it isn't entirely unprecedented, I just find it really impressive considering the number of pizza and sushi restaurants that can't seem to master either of these items separately.

I highly recommend stopping by Emilia Romagna for happy hour. It is a great space, with a great staff and some really decent grub.

The Rowdy Buck

Hot Dog!

I have to be honest, I don't particularly care for hot dogs. I think they are gross, I've always thought they were gross and I think they should be called "trash dogs." Having vented, I can say that not all dogs are created equal. For example, I've always really liked the kraut and cheese dogs at the Brighton Hot Dog Shoppe. (Buttery rolls and pure deliciousness.) 

I did not savor my, "fresh prince dog." (Pictured above, it was supposed to be like a Philly cheese steak.) The sauteed onions and peppers were basically raw and crunchy. There was entirely too much dry bread (this was a common complaint among our party) and the cheese sauce was thick like molasses. If you are going to claim to be a gourmet hot dog establishment, you had better deliver. Otherwise, I would think it is probably worth getting a one dollar gas station hot dog as opposed to a five dollar "gourmet" dog.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like the Rowdy Buck. They have a great outdoor patio and some pretty decent cocktails (I like the electric koolaid acid test made with fresh muddled raspberries.) Also they serve tater tots, which are always delicious, and they had a weird make your own 'smores dessert I am going to go back and try. I don't particularly care for the decor, I think it is aimed at attracting the skirts.

 The bar shares some similarities with the Lava Lounge and Tiki Lounge in terms of decor - these bars are all owned by the same people. There's lots of junk on the walls and a bunch of uneven surfaces that allow for maximum drink spillage. Personally, something about the Southside of Pittsburgh makes me opine for simpler times when bars served cheap drinks in dirty glasses and the crappy food didn't claim to be gourmet.

 

Harris Grill - Sometimes Chicken Wings STINK

What the cluck?

I am a chicken wing fanatic. Between the ages of 16-19 I would estimate that I consumed roughly fifty chicken wings per week. I'd say my all time chicken wing count is somewhere around seven thousand. Literally scores of chickens have perished for my gluttony. At some point I realized I was going to get gout/diabetes/heart disease and I slowed down a bit. That being said, I regret nothing.

I love a good chicken wing. I consider the perfect wing to be medium sized, crispy and well sauced. (Bonus points for amazing/unique sauces.) I truly like Harris Grill, in particular I like their draft selection, outdoor seating, staff and bacon night. I even really liked the jerk chicken wings I tried which were very well seasoned and prepared. However, the spicy buffalo wings just didn't cut it. They didn't have nearly enough crisp - this alone can ruin a wing experience. But even worse, they were under-sauced and the sauce was rather bland and runny. Something about non-crispy wings just makes the experience of covering my face in sauce and chicken disgusting.

I've had chicken wings at almost every place you can imagine in Pittsburgh - I believe our city has some of the best wings in the country. As a matter of fact, I usually don't get wings when I'm outside of Pittsburgh as I can't stand sub-par chicken. My short list for wings includes: Wings Suds and Spuds, Wiggy's, Rugger's, Birmingham Bridge Tavern, Sidelines, and Talerico's. However, there are at least a dozen other places that all make really great wings.

I came across this article last week, When You Learn What’s Really in Your Food, You May Stop Eating Altogether. None of the "secrets" in this article bothered me at all except that chickens tested by Johns Hopkins University were found to be loaded with antidepressants. This provides a rather unique explanation as to why I choose to drown my sorrows in crispy delicious chicken wings. 

What are your favorite wings in the city? Why? And finally, should we go there for happy hour?

BLUSH

Chicken Tenders

Does this picture look like a blurry bunch of junk? Does it look like it might not even be food? Because that is exactly how it tasted. Blush is a gentleman's club in downtown Pittsburgh and photographs are not allowed, so I had to be secretive. Surprisingly, they offer food. I had my choice of french fries, pizza or chicken tenders. Basically, a selection akin to what you might find at a little league baseball game minus snow cones, pixie sticks and nachos. However, this food was considerably worse than what you would get at a children's baseball game.

The chicken tasted just awful. The breading was falling off and I can only imagine that it was prepared in a microwave or a small toaster oven. The texture of the meat was like that of rubber and the flavor was about the same. The biggest offense is that the chicken only came with ketchup, and that ketchup wasn't even Heinz. A real slap in the face to Pittsburgh.

Some positive notes: the employees here are naked, they extended the happy hour for our group, the drinks were fine, the kitchen is being expanded following renovations, and honestly, if you are eating dinner in a strip club you probably have bigger issues than lousy chicken tenders.

Triangle Bar and Grill

Cheese steak and jooooose.

Jerry likes his hoagies sloppy, at least that's what he tells his woman. The Triangle is one of those Pittsburgh institutions that might just slip under your radar if you aren't a keen food fanatic. They've been running out of a dark and dirty bar in Swissvale for over thirty years. This is not a foodie joint - the lack of blogger reviews and general knowledge amongst my generation indicate that it is a well kept Pittsburgh secret that appeals to the older blue collar crowd.

The subs are gigantic. No one was able to down an entire battleship (23 inches.) I tried the fried boloney, the Italian and the cheese steak (pictured above with banana peppers and Joose!) The bread was soft and fresh, the meat was pretty good and the vegetable to meat/cheese/bread ratio was great. I think a lot of sub places give you too much bread, resulting in a crappy bread sandwich. I loved the cheese steak and the Italian, but the fried baloney was the most original and interesting sub I tried. Just dripping with cheese and hot baloney, I am currently salivating as I recall the sweet greasy deliciousness.

This bar is not in the greatest neighborhood in the world. The Triangle is located right in the middle of Rankin, Braddock and Swissvale. However, as a result, the drinks are cheap as sin. For $2.75 you can get any 24 oz beer you want. For $2 you can get a Joose, which is basically a generic 12% alcohol Four-loco energy drink. Joose will ruin your evening. One of our guests had three and he was basically shouting nonsense at the top of his lungs and smashing glasses. Luckily, because of the venue, he still wasn't asked to leave.