BZ's Bar and Grill

Turducken Burger

I was shocked by BZ's Grill. Food on the North Shore is traditionally terrible. For example, I hate the food at McFadden's, Bettis Grill, Mullen's and Titled Kilt. I'd honestly rather eat at taco bell. These bars all serve crap food suitable for baseball fans. I typically avoid the North Shore like the plague, unless I'm looking to get my casino fix.

BZ's is a pleasant exception. I honestly did not hate a single thing I tried.  The turducken burger (pictured above) was a very clever take on an old favorite. A traditional turducken is a duck stuffed in a chicken stuffed in a turkey. The BZ's variation was a turkey burger served with duck confit and an egg. I usually hate turkey burgers, but the turducken at BZ's presented a fantastic flavor combination along with a nice crisp bun and a well seasoned turkey patty. The arugula was a little sad, but I ate it anyhow.

HUMMUS

During happy hour at BZ's you can get a hummus plate for $4. This is quite a deal considering the hummus is pretty righteous and served with pesto, a hot pepper sauce and a tomato salad on the side. Additionally, the bartender was even kind enough to provide us with samples of BZ's house brined cucumber slices and onions. (I think they should throw these items on the hummus plate as well.) I want to go back to BZ's to try their Tuesday special: a can of beer, a bbq entree and two sides for $10. Who is in?

GOOSKIS

Pierogies are for lovers.

It only happens about once or twice a year, but occasionally I am shocked by the food you can get in a really dirty bar that smells like someone peed in an ashtray. I'm thrilled to say that Gooskis is this type of bar. The pierogies are excellent. They offer a few different varieties from Pierogies Plus in McKee's Rocks including potato, cottage cheese and sauerkraut. One of my happy hour patrons complained that the onions weren't right because some guy named Billy wasn't cooking that evening, but I thought they were fine. If you've never been to Pierogies Plus, they really know their stuff. They'll even allow you to customize your own pierogies with kick-ass ingredients such as hot sausage, bacon and jalapenos.

Now, the pierogies were good, but the wings really stole the show. I consider myself a bona fide expert on the subject of chicken wings. When I was growing up, my parents both worked long hours and it was often difficult for them to come home and prepare meals. As a result, I consumed chicken wings roughly 3-4 times a week with a group of misfits at an old strip mall restaurant in Moon called Wiggy's.Wiggy's was so consistently fantastic that I've always been very skeptical when consuming other wings or when taking wing advice from amateurs.

Amateur wing eaters are pathetic clowns!

Gooskis makes the cut. Their wings are perfectly seasoned with an excellent crisp which is heightened by the very modest amount of breading accompanying each wing. I'm really at a loss regarding how I can convey the excellence of these chicken wings. I'll be taking my wing-fanatic friend from Oklahoma to Gooskis next time he visits. (The dude basically only eats wings and Italian food and if I took him to a shitty wing restaurant he'd probably kill me.)

Gooskis pro tips: the bloody-marry is damn good. I don't even like bloody-marries and I was extremely impressed by the quality. The juke box is fantastic as well, an extremely eclectic collection of music that can't be found on the modern Touchtones machines. Lastly, the patrons and bartenders don't mess around. If you want to bro around with your bros, I wouldn't recommend Gooskis. You might get a punk rock boot right up your ass. 

Fuel and Fuddle

Pizza Time

The food at Fuel and Fuddle is remarkable. In particular, the pulled pork sandwich served with horseradish made me want to cry. Delicious well seasoned pork with just enough bite. The pizza was a little sweet, but delicious. Be warned! The patrons are young and rowdy and there is nowhere to stand. A Thursday evening at this bar in the early spring looks like a Saturday night in the Southside. Undergraduates crowd the doorway waiting for tables and get mad when you call them undergraduates.

Additionally, Fuel and Fuddle does not negotiate. I generally call an establishment before we arrive in attempts to procure a special. The special I was offered at Fuel and Fuddle was, "you can order anything you want off the menu in any quantity at menu price." Honestly though, this place was crowded and they didn't need my business. I can hardly blame them.

The interesting thing about this happy hour was I ran into an old roommate from five years ago. We hadn't seen each other since we moved out and I had no idea he was even living in Pittsburgh. I was shocked to see him. When we lived together we were young men so full of hope. (I wrote for a better food blog in those days and I was so handsome.)

My roomy used to brew beer in the basement and he dated this broad that went on to become Miss Maine. He told me that shortly afterwards she left him and got married to some jerk. He said it was ok though, because she was crazy. We lived with this other guy as well, Neil. A mustached fellow who used to sit on the couch a lot and smoke cigarettes in the basement when he got mad at us.

I said to my old roomy at Fuel and Fuddle, "So, I hate to bring this up, but did you hear about Neil." He said no. I kind of slouched over and slammed my Great Lakes beer, "Neil killed himself man, he couldn't take it anymore. He's dead." There was nothing else to say. Oddly, we also happened to be at Fuel and Fuddle and run into each other on the Neil's 32nd birthday. The universe loves fucking with me.

 I love you Neil. I wish you were still alive and in this alternate world where you were still alive I would let you smoke cigarettes in the basement.

1311

Cheeeesee

Unfortunately, I cannot recommend the food at 1311. They offer frozen cheese sticks, pizza, chicken tenders, french fries and the like. HOWEVER, there is no bar I'd rather drink at in the entire world. The bartenders are really hot (love you Adrienne and Kristy), the beer is cheap as sin and the specials are incredible. I'm talking about daily $1 beers and $5 pitchers of mixed drinks! My favorite is $1.50 blue moon night on Tuesday.  1311 is one of those reasons I'll never leave Pittsburgh. When beers are a dollar, why would anyone want to move to Austin, Portland or New York? Suck it America.

I frequent 1311 so often there are many stories to tell. One time I dropped my phone in the toilet and some man berated me to hurry up and grab it before it was too late. It was too late. Another time I was interviewed for some sports TV show with Anna Ranyovich. (Naturally I killed it.) And yet another time some nice Mexican lady lost her virginity in the alley to one of my friends. 1311 is where the dreams happen.

I love you little league baseball pizza from 1311.

Harvard and Highland (Union Pig and Chicken)

Discounted Happy Hour Wings

I continue to be really impressed by Union Pig and Chicken. The first time around I wasn't positive that it was my scene. Afterall, they are charging an awful lot of money for bbq food. Additionally, on my first visit they were out of brisket and I hated the ribs. I still hate the ribs. I think they are a bit too chewy, and in general I'm just not the biggest supporter of the St. Louis style back rib. I'm a baby back man. But I do not have my baby back, she moved to Texas with some dude. (I am totally over it though and not spiteful.)

The bbq scene in Pittsburgh has always been somewhat dismal. With the emergence of Yinzburgh BBQ and Union Pig and Chicken, I would say we are improving. However, most southerners would probably still be disappointed.

The smoked chicken wings, pictured above, are the best smoked chicken wings I've had in the city. I usually find smoked chicken wings to be dry compared to their deep-fried brethren, but these wings were perfectly prepared and well paired with some house made blue cheese. They had a pleasant amount of smoke with just the right texture.

Some of my other favorites at Union Pig and Chicken/Harvard Highland include the pork shoulder, the fried chicken and the chicken pate. In case you are out of the loop, Harvard Highland is just the bar that is situated directly above Union Pig and Chicken. The bar has a very nice glass facade with a glorious view of east liberty, beach seating and a new backroom with a pool table. If you were wondering, no the bar is not cheap, and yes it can take a while to get a drink as the bartenders are always doing something fancy. Pro tip: drink in your car beforehand. For my money I honestly prefer YinzBurgh bbq. However, Union Pig and Chicken has some nice advantages such as seating, sexy decor and a bar tended by pretentious twenty-somethings who probably read Ayn Rand.

Sonny's - Bloomfield

SO MUCH RANCH

Sonny's is an oddly charming hipster shithole where the kids in skinny jeans go to kiss each other on the lips in the smoky dark light emanated from dart machines. They are one of those bars that has more character crammed into the secret-basement-employee's-only-bathroom-where-they-might-let-you-poop than most bars have in their entire repertoire. The people make the scene. Every cool kid I've ever met seems to drink here, including a Polish cowboy that I know.

The food is terrible. The chicken tenders were the second worst I've ever had, only second to Blush downtown. They just tasted wrong, but the problem was corrected with ranch dressing, hot sauce and beer. The french fries were acceptable, but the pizza tasted like old cardboard. I actually think it might be possible to make better pizza out of old cardboard. The crust had the composition of a used up catchers mitt and I think the cheese was made from local dog's milk. The locally sourced food movement has failed us.

Worst pizza time ever!

Despite my complaints about the food, I think this is one of the greatest bars that we've visited this year. Darts, pool tables, good company, cheap drinks and pretty girls! Pro tip, beware of the old curmudgeon who lives in the white house next door. He gets all upset when people use his ally like a frat house bathroom. THIS IS AMERICA BRO!

Cupkas II

A picture of some food I didn't eat.

Cupkas II is a real Pittsburgh bar. The portions are gigantic, you can smoke in one of the back rooms, the majority of the patrons are named Donny, Shawn or Peggy and the cole slaw tastes like shit. The fish sandwich in particular is so large that it is not physically possible to consume it in sandwich form.

I've never really understood fish sandwiches for this exact reason. It seems like every restaurant goes out of their way to just try and make the thing as large as possible. They remind me of a middle school competition to see who has the biggest... fish sandwich.

The food at Cupkas II is your run of the mill bar food. Burgers, fried stuff, huge sandwiches and pizza boats. It is all palatable and a great bargain for your buck. I think the selling points are the outdoor patio, the smoker friendly atmosphere and the low prices. Cupkas is easily one of the cheapest dates in the Southside, not to mention their giant throbbing fish sandwich.