Benjamin's Burgers - Northside

MEAT PLATE

They should change the name of "Benjamin's Burgers" to "Benjamin's Bomb-ass Burgers." Really, the burgers are that good. They easily rival my favorite burger in the city which is Winghart's. Coincidentally, my opinion is well supported by Andrew of the Pitts-Burger food blog. He rates Benjamin's at 7.6 and Winghart's at 7.1. I think the two are a little closer, but each single hamburger experience is subjective, so it is what it is.

Pictured above is the Benjamin's cured meat plate. Although it did not stand out as one of the best cured meat plates I've tried in Pittsburgh, it was an absolute steal for $5. (Appetizers are half off during happy hour.) Honestly, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a better meat plate in the entire city for $5. My chief complaints are that I would have liked more pickled vegetables and it seemed as though the meat had been sliced several days ago. Considering the size of the kitchen, I imagine this is actually the case.

Also Sorta a Meat Plate

This burger was absolutely dripping in deliciousness. Candied jalapeno cream cheese and bacon to boot! It was really a great combination. The candied jalapeno cream cheese had a subtle sweetness with a fantastic bite. It melted beautifully all over the warm burger and it was perfectly paired with the thick cut bacon. I'd rank this amongst the best burgers I've had in Pittsburgh. 

When we decided to go to Benjamin's I solicited comments from the general public. Here are some complaints I received and my opinion as to each complaint.

Side Dishes: They do not offer french fires and the side dishes don't pair well with hamburgers.

FALSE: The side dishes are just fine. Just because you are accustomed to eating hamburgers with french fries doesn't mean it is a requirement. I thought the curried cole-slaw was delicious.

Smell: You will smell like a hamburger when you leave.

TRUE: You will definitely smell like a hamburger when you leave. As you can see below the kitchen is awfully small and situated directly behind the bar.

Service: The service is awful.

Well...... I had great service at Benjamin's last week, but I've had trouble getting a drink in the past. The quality of service can vary based on the size of the crowd. I wouldn't call it awful though.

Grease: The hamburgers are very greasy.

TRUE:  The hamburgers are cooked on a griddle, so they may be more greasy than you are accustomed to. Personally, I think that's what makes them so god-damn delicious.

Isn't it the cutest little kitchen you've ever seen?

Texas de Brazil - Station Square

Food Model

 

Texas de Brazil is a chain all you can eat Brazillian-style churrascaria. If you aren't familiar with a churrascaria, basically it is an all you can eat restaurant with a very large seafood/salad bar where a series of men come to your table to carve you a variety of meats such as lamb, filet, roast, chicken etc. Your table comes equipped with a little reverse red and green coaster. If you turn the coaster to red, the nice men with their meat will leave you alone. Keep it on green, you will be inundated with meat in your face. I've only done churrascaria style eating twice, but I've noticed that the lower quality cuts of meat come around more often than the very nice cuts. Feel free to keep that coaster green but turn the nice man away. It can get annoying, but it is the only way to make sure you get to sample everything without getting too full.

I have never done the churrascaria style dining at Texas de Brazil. However, I've stopped by their weekly happy hour three times. From 4:00 - 7:00 you can get half priced small meat plates and $3 beers. The small meat plates come in different combinations, but you basically have your choice of sausage, a lamb chop, bacon wrapped chicken, filet and sirloin roast. 

Presentation = C-.

This may not look pretty, but these plates are a pretty good deal. For between $4 and $8 you can have one of these nice little meat plates and a delicious basket of cheese bread. If you eat all of the cheese bread they'll even bring you more! I know because it happened to one of my fat friends once.

I absolutely love the chimichurri sauce. It is great for dipping your meat as well as your cheese bread. Chimichurri sauce is a simple combination of: parsley, garlic, olive oil, oregano and some other various seasonings. If you look at my meat plate you'll also notice that they gave me a very healthy serving of green jelly.

Ever since I was a small lad I can remember my father serving lamb with green jelly. This has never made any sense to me and I actually think it is disgusting and does nothing to compliment the flavor of the lamb. I've never really questioned the practice, but I find it odd that Texas de Brazil serves the green jelly as I thought the practice had largely fallen out of favor.

Well,  it turns out that the stupid English used to serve green mint jelly with mutton in order to disguise the taste. (Sheep's meat is called mutton after the lamb turns one year old.  Mutton has a much stronger taste.)  The English are dumb as hell. Can you imagine if you went to a restaurant and they served you a hamburger with green jelly because they let the meat sit out too long?

No taxation without representation.  Don't let those sheep grow up and down with the green jelly industry!

Sienna Mercato: Emporio

"I don't dig on swine." -Jules

Sienna Mercato is in this beautiful building downtown next to August Henry's Saloon on Penn Ave. It is refreshing to have a bar located in the Penn Ave Tourist Corridor that I don't hate. Sharp Edge is expensive, August Henry's is plain awful, Seviche is colorful but passe, Sonoma Grill is where dads drink and Ten Penny is bunch of pretentious bologna. Mark's was my go-to until they replaced it with a piece of crap reception area.

I honestly never thought Pittsburgh would have a meatball restaurant. It seems awfully gimmicky, but it works. The Emporio meatballs are not cheap, but the happy hour deal isn't bad at all. Half off all drafts until 6 pm, but sadly no food discount. As for the meatballs, expect to dish out $3.50 a pop.

The wonderful thing about Emporio is the plethora of choices. You can choose from four different meatballs: beef, pork, veggie and chicken. Then you choose one of nine different sauces: Sunday gravy, pork bolognse, creamy parmesan, chicken gravy, government cheese, mushroom gravy, aribiatta, tzatziki and pesto. That means that you can potentially try up to 36 different combinations. That's a different meatball everyday of the month!

I went with the pork meatball with pork bolognse, the beef meatball with aribiatta, and the chicken meatball with government cheese. The clear winner was the beef with aribiatta. It wasn't a super-spicy oily aribiatta like the kind in Italy, but it had a nice spice level that would not offend most palates. The pork bolognse had hints of allspice and cinnamon but was otherwise unremarkable. The government cheese was absolutely amazing! A rich gooey texture loaded with generic cheese flavor.  I have to give a special shout to the girls of EatPgh for recommending I try the government cheese as it is easily a sauce I would have otherwise overlooked.

Finally, I have to say that the staff did a terrific job. The bartenders in particular were very diligent and attentive. I'd say they were easily better than any of the clown bartenders  at the other above mentioned bars in the Penn Ave Tourist Corridor. (PS, I'm trademarking Penn Avenue Tourist Corridor so don't use it.)

Genoa Pizza - Downtown

That's a lot of free appies!

Genoa Pizza is an entirely unsuspecting little bar tucked away on the outskirts of the golden triangle. Located on Market Street on the other side of the Boulevard of the Allies, I never even knew this place was a bar until I stumbled out of the River City Inn one drunken night and found myself in heaven. I've basically been going back to Genoa ever since as a secret late night go-to watering hole. The run-down wood paneling  interior provides the comfort and ambiance of a dive bar without the need to traipse all the way back to whatever neighborhood you live in that is undoubtedly filled with dive bars.

My favorites include the taco pizza and the sicilian style square cut pizza. The sicilian does not have a super dense crust like Ambridge Police Station Pizza or Beto's, but it is a nice change of pace from the thin crust pizza that is so prevalent in Pittsburgh. Genoa absolutely kills it with the taco pizza: spicy seasoned ground beef, cheddar cheese, mozzarella cheese, provolone cheese, cold lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, black olives and sour cream on the side. Boom! That's what I call a good way to end the evening.

Where appetizers go to die, my face.

Now, if you happen to make it to Genoa before 7:00 p.m on a weeknight. you are in for a real treat. For every five dollars you spend you are entitled to a free appetizer. I managed to spend thirty dollars by the close of happy hour. (No easy feat considering drinks are very reasonably priced.) This allowed me to order six free appetizers of my choosing! I went with double mozzarella sticks, the shrimp, the breaded zucchini, jalapeno poppers and the breaded mushrooms. It is a miracle of science that I lived to write this post.

Considering my thirty dollars also purchased about eight drinks, this was a fantastic bargain. In terms of the most bang for your buck, go with the shrimp and the breaded zucchini. Be sure to say hello to the very pleasant bartender, her name is Amanda and she's a real doll! Avoid conversation with the locals, they tend to be surly and uninterested in speaking with outsiders.

The Pub Chip Shop - Southside

Scotch Pie

The Pub Chip Shop menu is really extraordinary when compared to the typical late night fare you generally expect in the Southside. Prepare to choose from deep fried fish, baked savory pies, pastys, boxtys, baps and other varieties of foods you may not be familiar with. (I'm not even really sure I even said most of those things correctly.)

Doc's Scotch pie was filled with lamb and served with a side of delicious lamb stock gravy. I only had a bite, but it was really quite good. Crusty with thick chunks of lamb and a salty finish. A nice alternative to the many deep fried items on the Pub Chip Shop menu.

When I go back I'll probably try the chicken mushroom pie or the steak and oyster pie. Although the pies may look intimidating, they are on the small side but still appropriate as an entire meal for most reasonable people. They also work as an appetizer for someone like me who only wants to live to see 45.

I'm in love with the chipper.

This chicken mess consisted of fried chicken with onion rings and french fries thrown in a box and covered in bbq sauce. The cole slaw was extra, but I felt it was necessary considering the amount of grease I was about to consume. The presentation was better on the Pub Chip Shop twitter feed (@thepubchipshop) because they garnished the box with some green onions and cheddar cheese. Although it may look like a mess, it was a box of heaven. Despite the slathering of bbq sauce, all of the ingredients were perfectly crisp and well seasoned.

Some of my friends have complained that the fried options from the Pub Chip Shop were a little heavy for their tastes. Have you people ever had fried food before? It is supposed to be greasy as hell! That's why you eat it after an evening of getting loose at the bar, you dingus.

Franktuary – Lawrenceville - Guest Post

DRINKS!

Guest post by Ryan Minoski of RadioChumps.com

Hotdogs and beer: the dinner of champions. Franktuary has elevated this ballpark cuisine to new levels, and they mix one hell of a cocktail to boot.

Happy hour runs on the early side here. Arrive at 4:00 to take full advantage of the specials, like half-price poutine (fancy talk for fries). Unless you’re French Canadian/seriously love brown gravy, steer toward the Buffalo fries—a heaping plate of spuds topped with spicy wing sauce, bleu cheese, and chopped celery. Use a fork and keep your drinking hand free.

FRIES!

On that note, the drink special includes $4 drafts and $7 cocktails, which is not a spectacular deal until you taste one. The old fashioned was one of the smoothest I have ever had. And the Pittsburgh sour, made with Wigle rye and Pittsburgh Winery zinfandel, does the Burgh proud. As far as drafts go, the bar offers a respectable selection of Pennsylvania craft brews… and Iron City.

Corndogs are also half-price during happy hour, but stick with the shop’s claim to fame: frankfurters. The toppings are what make these dogs, and Franktuary lays them on thick. The Pittsburgh dog is covered with sweet, relishy slaw and baby pierogies, making for a truly unique flavor/texture combo. Franktuary’s take on Icelandic hotdogs, the Rekjavik, is a ketchup, mustard, and remoulade drenched dog with a powerful but not offensive onion bite. On the down side, the sauce to dog ratio can be too heavy at times, like on the New Yorker—a classic kraut, onion, and mustard dog where the spicy brown mustard dominates the palate and cleanses the sinuses (order this if you have a head cold).

DOGZ!

All in all, Franktuary’s happy hour runs a top-notch fry special and an average drink special, but this is a solid excuse to try some unusual hotdogs and high-quality cocktails in a great atmosphere.

Proper Brick Oven and Tap Room

Like beers, for a baby.

Here were some little beers we had. Before I go on a negative pizza-rant I should say that Proper has a great beer selection. Pretty much top class in terms of your downtown-specific options. (When I say downtown I mean the Golden Triangle exclusive of South Side, Shadyside, etc and for that matter the phrase "Golden Triangle" is a very underutilized phrase.)

For around $10 you can get a flight of any four drafts. Not a bad deal if you make sure to get the ones that are 9% alcohol and above.

Now, the pizza at Proper is a bunch of garbage. There's nothing more awful than seeing a restaurant with such a warm ambiance, nice staff and beautiful wood fired oven deliver such sub-par pizza. Pictured above is the carnivore pizza with San Marzano tomatoes, house-made sweet and hot Italian sausage, spicy pepperoni, bacon and house-made mozzarella. It sounds and looks pretty good, right?

WRONG. The bacon on the pizza must have been the house smoked bacon candy with the maple glaze. It was entirely overpowering. All I could taste was the sweet and smoky bacon, the other flavors were almost entirely lost in the mix. I also have to say that I was not the biggest fan of the cheese either. Why make something in-house if it is just going to be awful? The pie was attractive but dry, lacking in depth of flavor. (Sexual innuendo.) I was very disappointed.

To quote one of the other patrons who ordered a pizza, "the selling point of the bianca pizza was burrata, a mozzarella made from water buffalo [milk], filled with cream. I expected a dairy orgasm all over my pizza. What I got was a pizza with a heavy roasted garlic flavor dominating some discernible cheese and a floppy crust."

Although I would personally never expect or desire a dairy orgasm, I would save my money and skip Proper for dinner. Just have a few drinks and wander somewhere else down the street.