1311

Cheeeesee

Unfortunately, I cannot recommend the food at 1311. They offer frozen cheese sticks, pizza, chicken tenders, french fries and the like. HOWEVER, there is no bar I'd rather drink at in the entire world. The bartenders are really hot (love you Adrienne and Kristy), the beer is cheap as sin and the specials are incredible. I'm talking about daily $1 beers and $5 pitchers of mixed drinks! My favorite is $1.50 blue moon night on Tuesday.  1311 is one of those reasons I'll never leave Pittsburgh. When beers are a dollar, why would anyone want to move to Austin, Portland or New York? Suck it America.

I frequent 1311 so often there are many stories to tell. One time I dropped my phone in the toilet and some man berated me to hurry up and grab it before it was too late. It was too late. Another time I was interviewed for some sports TV show with Anna Ranyovich. (Naturally I killed it.) And yet another time some nice Mexican lady lost her virginity in the alley to one of my friends. 1311 is where the dreams happen.

I love you little league baseball pizza from 1311.

Harvard and Highland (Union Pig and Chicken)

Discounted Happy Hour Wings

I continue to be really impressed by Union Pig and Chicken. The first time around I wasn't positive that it was my scene. Afterall, they are charging an awful lot of money for bbq food. Additionally, on my first visit they were out of brisket and I hated the ribs. I still hate the ribs. I think they are a bit too chewy, and in general I'm just not the biggest supporter of the St. Louis style back rib. I'm a baby back man. But I do not have my baby back, she moved to Texas with some dude. (I am totally over it though and not spiteful.)

The bbq scene in Pittsburgh has always been somewhat dismal. With the emergence of Yinzburgh BBQ and Union Pig and Chicken, I would say we are improving. However, most southerners would probably still be disappointed.

The smoked chicken wings, pictured above, are the best smoked chicken wings I've had in the city. I usually find smoked chicken wings to be dry compared to their deep-fried brethren, but these wings were perfectly prepared and well paired with some house made blue cheese. They had a pleasant amount of smoke with just the right texture.

Some of my other favorites at Union Pig and Chicken/Harvard Highland include the pork shoulder, the fried chicken and the chicken pate. In case you are out of the loop, Harvard Highland is just the bar that is situated directly above Union Pig and Chicken. The bar has a very nice glass facade with a glorious view of east liberty, beach seating and a new backroom with a pool table. If you were wondering, no the bar is not cheap, and yes it can take a while to get a drink as the bartenders are always doing something fancy. Pro tip: drink in your car beforehand. For my money I honestly prefer YinzBurgh bbq. However, Union Pig and Chicken has some nice advantages such as seating, sexy decor and a bar tended by pretentious twenty-somethings who probably read Ayn Rand.

Sonny's - Bloomfield

SO MUCH RANCH

Sonny's is an oddly charming hipster shithole where the kids in skinny jeans go to kiss each other on the lips in the smoky dark light emanated from dart machines. They are one of those bars that has more character crammed into the secret-basement-employee's-only-bathroom-where-they-might-let-you-poop than most bars have in their entire repertoire. The people make the scene. Every cool kid I've ever met seems to drink here, including a Polish cowboy that I know.

The food is terrible. The chicken tenders were the second worst I've ever had, only second to Blush downtown. They just tasted wrong, but the problem was corrected with ranch dressing, hot sauce and beer. The french fries were acceptable, but the pizza tasted like old cardboard. I actually think it might be possible to make better pizza out of old cardboard. The crust had the composition of a used up catchers mitt and I think the cheese was made from local dog's milk. The locally sourced food movement has failed us.

Worst pizza time ever!

Despite my complaints about the food, I think this is one of the greatest bars that we've visited this year. Darts, pool tables, good company, cheap drinks and pretty girls! Pro tip, beware of the old curmudgeon who lives in the white house next door. He gets all upset when people use his ally like a frat house bathroom. THIS IS AMERICA BRO!

Cupkas II

A picture of some food I didn't eat.

Cupkas II is a real Pittsburgh bar. The portions are gigantic, you can smoke in one of the back rooms, the majority of the patrons are named Donny, Shawn or Peggy and the cole slaw tastes like shit. The fish sandwich in particular is so large that it is not physically possible to consume it in sandwich form.

I've never really understood fish sandwiches for this exact reason. It seems like every restaurant goes out of their way to just try and make the thing as large as possible. They remind me of a middle school competition to see who has the biggest... fish sandwich.

The food at Cupkas II is your run of the mill bar food. Burgers, fried stuff, huge sandwiches and pizza boats. It is all palatable and a great bargain for your buck. I think the selling points are the outdoor patio, the smoker friendly atmosphere and the low prices. Cupkas is easily one of the cheapest dates in the Southside, not to mention their giant throbbing fish sandwich.

Mahoney's

This is what I had for dinner on St. Patrick's day.

This St. Patrick's day marks the second St. Patrick's day in a row where I drank too much and didn't ensure that I was able to procure food before happy hour ended. Last year Harp and Fiddle simply forgot to bring me my food. This year, after many car bombs, unsolicited hugs and odd conversations with some broad who said she used to work at the bar, Mahoney's informed me that their kitchen had closed for the evening. In true Michael Scott fashion I ordered a cup of bar olives. Although the bartender found this amusing, he did not provide me with the cup of bar olives I requested.

One week prior to St. Patrick's day, I visited Mahoney's on a scouting mission. I had the smoke-house chicken sandwich with bacon, ham and bbq sauce. I was not disappointed. The chicken was well prepared (IE not tough and gross like the chicken I had for lunch), the bun was fresh and the abundance of pig made me smile. The food at Mahoney's is standard bar fare, burgers, sandwiches and the like. I don't think I'd go out of my way to eat at Mahoney's, but if I was already there I would probably order something.

Now,  on to my real rant.  Pittsburgh is an Irish city. As a matter of fact we have one of the longest running St. Patrick's day parades in the country (Starting in1869.)  Where are all the Irish bars?!?! I'm not counting Claddagh or Mullen's as they are chains and I hate them. Montery Pub is too small and Harp and Fiddle is overdone. So what does that leave? Where are young quarrelsome Irish lads to spend their days? Drop me a line if you know of some secret Irish bars.

Punch me I'm Irish!

 

Osteria 100

Deja Vu.

So, I was all but certain that the charcuterie plate at Osteria 100 was the exact same as the charcuterie plate at Cioppino. And a trip down memory lane to check my blog post for Cioppino from December of 2011 confirms this suspicion. Cioppino Review - 2011 It was the same charcuterie plate! To quote a younger and more handsome version of myself (no, not my little brother), "this anti-pasta plate..... pictured above, was really fantastic. The meats were fresh, recently sliced and flavorful. I was very appreciative that the plate came with a variety of vegetables and two different types of cheese."

Over a year later my feelings remain unchanged. Cioppino and Osteria 100 are sister restaurants and they serve a damn good charcuterie plate. (Arguably one of the best in the city.) The variety of ingredients keeps everything interesting and balanced.

While Cioppino was extremely happening when we visited in 2011, Osteria 100 downtown seems to be lacking in patrons. I think the restaurant is just situated in an odd location that fails to make it abundantly clear that it is not connected with the Point Park campus. I hope that people catch on. The food, service and drinks were all incredible. The happy hour menu offers half priced sandwiches, discounted sliders, four dollar glasses of wine and a variety of reasonably priced cocktails.

The fatso strikes back.

Here's a picture of a meatball sub I ate after everyone left! It was very good and consumption of the sandwich required the ceremonial loosening of my pants. The hardest part about meatball subs is trying to consume them without having a meatball or sauce disaster. The proportionality of the sub made this possible - I'd like to thank the academy. I also want to thank the staff of Osteria 100 for providing us with free mushroom bruscetta. It was delicious and spicy and the cattle loved it!

Zoooeeeee!

Blind Pig Tavern

Little slices of heaven.

For some reason the Blind Pig has the United States constitution written on the wall behind the bar (specifically the 18th amendment). Every time you do a jagerbomb or a grape ape it is basically like Thomas Jefferson is judging you. There are two things you need to know about the Blind Pig. First of all, their specials are incredible. I mean top notch. There is a beer discount everyday and on Wednesdays they even run an all day happy hour. The all day happy hour includes half off  ALL appetizers. Take that Thomas Jefferson and the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board! 

The second thing that you need to know is that the little doughy calzone things they call rolls are just wonderful. My favorite is the one stuffed with rib-eye and cheese. I'd say they are pretty similar to D.P Dough, but much better. The dough itself has a better texture and the ingredients and cheese are also far more delicious. (Sorry D.P Dough, don't worry, it is still your fault that I am overweight because I ate you everyday in college.) I pretty much order the steak roll every single time I visit the Blind Pig as it is ridiculous-delicious. Also, I tend to enjoy cramming the pulled nachos in my face. They are fantastically non-mexican, as in, covered in barbeque sauce, pulled pork and cheese.

While I'm giving you tips, here are two more. Don't get the grilled chicken wings, they are a disappointment. Also, they call their sandwiches sammies and I think that is just great.

I DRINK WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT. THOMAS JEFFERSON IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME.